With 80 percent of Gigli being full-screen face shots of Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez or the two of them together, it's hard to believe the movie was not made purposely to cash in on the media blitz about the couple's real life relationship. And full-face shots are about all you get in Gigli. The story is lame and the characters change their personalities throughout the film, thus furthering our disinterest in their journey.

"It's pronounced like -- really," Gigli (Affleck) states several times in the movie. He's a wannabe hood, but 30 years too late for that. Looking like something out of Grease and acting like a cross between the Fonz and someone from The Sopranos, Gigli gets an assignment to kidnap Brian (Justin Bartha), the psychologically challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. He jumps to the task, never asking his boss why the kidnapping is necessary. Gigli quickly escorts Brian back to his apartment. While there, Brian displays extremes in his behavior -- all the way from resembling a person with Tourette's syndrome to almost completely understanding everything around him and going along with the game. I had a feeling such incongruity resulted from a weakness in the blueprint of this character, not from a shortage of talent on Bartha's part.

Ricki (Lopez), another enforcer, shows up unannounced at Gigli's apartment. The boss doesn't  think she and Gigli can handle the babysitting alone, so they're forced to share the apartment for a few days. Director/writer Martin Brest uses almost all the clichés in the book to set up a romance here. Force Gigli and Ricki together, have Ricki parade around the apartment practically nude and massage the device of push and pull moments together. There's only one bed, and Brian has the couch -- so, of course, they must share. Now, I ask you, why couldn't Gigli and Brian share the bed?

This ho-hum tale is enough to put you asleep, until Ricki stops Gigli's drooling dead in midair when she announces she's gay. Which would be fine if she didn't end up with him in the end anyway -- so what's the point? Brest takes the revelation one step further by showing Ricki in provocative displays of her feminine wares and by having her explain to Gigli (in textbook lingo) why women can satisfy each other better than men. I have no clue what Brest was thinking when he tacked on this fish-out-of-water subplot. If I wanted sex education, I wouldn't look for it at the movies.

Lastly, there's no sexual chemistry between Affleck and Lopez as Gigli and Ricki. Maybe they were intimidated since supposedly they were not a real-life romance when they filmed the movie, or maybe just the opposite was true and they wanted to convince the audience otherwise. Whatever the reason, there are no sparks, no charisma between them in all those mug shots together. Unless you count the few laughs from Bartha, there's absolutely no reason to see this film. Even the short scenes with Christopher Walken and Al Pacino add nothing to the movie. And parents, please keep minors away from this one.

(Released by Revolution Films and rated R" for sexual content, pervasive language and brief strong violence.)