Note to self: Watch out for subliminal messages. They might be forcing me to buy things I really don’t want or need --- like that huge tub of popcorn I purchased in the lobby before seeing Josie and the Pussycats. Thank heavens I’m no longer a teenager like the ones depicted in this movie! Facing mindless manipulation through rock music every minute of the day and night, their salvation depends on the valiant efforts of Josie, Valerie, and Melanie, clueless members of a popular new all-girl band.

This is definitely risky business for the future of American teendom. I’d have to think twice before placing my trust in three such unlikely heroines. Josie (Rachael Leigh Cook) agrees to bookings in a bowling alley, even though the group earns only five dollars after renting bowling shoes; Valerie (Rosario Dawson) can’t hide her jealousy of Josie; and Melanie (Tara Reid) keeps losing her soap in the shower while singing "If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands."

Still, this bouncy trio made me smile a lot, especially during their musical numbers. So what if all their songs sound pretty much the same? At least I understood the lyrics, which is more than I can say for some rock groups. And they are so darn cute when they get dressed up for their show biz gigs! Wish I could get my hands on that peacock-blue number Cook (Antitrust) wears in the closing sequence. It would be just the thing for next Halloween.

Thinking of Halloween reminds me that two very weird characters get most of the laughs in this movie. Alan Cumming (Spy Kids), playing an evil band manager, cajoles his musicians while planning their murders if they become suspicious about the subliminal messages hidden in their music. I found Cumming at his most amusing when trying to smooth over disputes among members of Du Jour, the boy-band featured in the movie’s hilarious opening sequence. Faking concern in his smarmiest manner, he promises to take care of every problem mentioned by each band member, then rolls his eyes at the audience before putting his "final solution" into operation. His next victims – er – clients? Josie and the Pussycats, of course.

Although not as funny as Cumming, Parker Posey (The House of Yes) surprised me with her campy performance as the obsessed CEO of MegaRecords, a corporation trying to brainwash America’s youth. Throwing a party for Josie, Val, and Melanie, she makes an entrance (ala Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard) that cracked me up, and her true motivation for turning teens into mindless mall rats delighted me with its utter silliness.

Based on characters from Archie comic books, Josie and the Pussycats urges teenagers to be individuals instead of herd-like consumers. Ironically, in doing so, it contains more product placements than any movie I’ve ever seen. Have to stop now. Must go to Target for some Revlon cosmetics. And maybe I’ll drop by McDonald’s on the way home for an order of their delicious fries --- or by Starbuck’s for a café mocha.

(Released by Universal Pictures and rated "PG-13" for language and mild sensuality.)