ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Fantasy Network’s award-winning "Reel Issues" program. Today’s distinguished panelists include film critic David Manning* and the world-famous Muppet star, Miss Piggy. Now here’s your host, B. J. Tucker from Reeling Incorporated.

TUCKER: Thank you, David and Miss Piggy for joining us to discuss the compelling issues presented in Dr. Dolittle 2, Eddie Murphy’s new movie (now available on video). David, let’s begin with you. What did you think about this sequel in general?

MANNING: It’s a real winner!

TUCKER: If I remember correctly, that’s what you said about The Animal. You definitely seem to enjoy movies about our four-legged friends.

MANNING: Well, yes I do. I just can’t help laughing at animals relieving themselves on bushes, trees, and legal documents. It must be my inner child trying to break free.

TUCKER: Miss Piggy, do you feel the same way?

MISS PIGGY: Moi? Of course not. I object strongly to so many animals running around without any clothes on. Fozzie Bear used to drive me crazy because of this nasty habit. As for going to the toilette in public, no Muppet would be caught dead doing that --- not even Animal, and you know how tacky he is!

TUCKER: But, Miss Piggy, you must have been impressed with the amazing acting by the film’s animal stars. Right?

MISS PIGGY: Well, I agree they performed a couple of entertaining stunts and said a few funny lines. But, in my expert opinion, some of the voices didn’t ring true. None of these wannabe thespians can compare with my darling Kermie --- naturally, who can? I did, however, like Ava, the girl bear. Her voice sparkled just like Lisa Kudrow’s. But Archie, the circus bear sent into the forest to mate with her, didn’t sound convincing at all. I wonder if that was Steve Zahn in a big bear suit --- not a real bear at all?

TUCKER: David, you know what it’s like to be called a fake. Can you answer Miss Piggy’s question?

MANNING: I certainly can. Archie is not a fake bear! A wonderful animal actor named Tank played that role, and very well indeed. I thought his rendition of "I Will Survive" stole the show.

TUCKER: Speaking of survival, let’s talk about the movie’s environmental message. Were either of you surprised at a comedy tackling such an important subject? Miss Piggy, why are you frowning at this question?

MISS PIGGY: Because I thought the women characters were depicted so unfairly! Instead of being willing to help Dr. Dolittle right away in his efforts to save the forest, his wife and daughter acted upset about what he was doing. I can’t accept this. Most women, like moi, would jump at the chance to help those cute little forest animals.

TUCKER: David, do you have anything to add to Miss Piggy’s criticism regarding this issue?

MANNING: Well, I think Miss Piggy is being Miss Picky here. After all, this is only a movie, not a feminist documentary. I believe these filmmakers deserve kudos for dealing with environmental protection in such an appealing way. Finally, I want to go on record complimenting Eddie Murphy’s work. When he talks with the animals this time, he’s even more amusing than in the previous Dr. Dolittle flick. Murphy truly is this generation’s Bill Cosby!

TUCKER: A statement equal to your Heath Ledger praise for A Knight’s Tale, David. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re quoted in national newspaper ads again. Why are you shaking your head? No comment? Sorry, but I see our time is up anyway. My thanks again to both David Manning and Miss Piggy for their candid contributions to this stimulating discussion.

ANNOUNCER: Please join us next week when Fantasy Network’s "Reel Issues" will feature guest panelists Roger Ebert and Pinocchio in an examination of the incredible story behind Steven Spielberg’s Artificial Intelligence.

(Dr. Dolittle 2, released by 20^th Century Fox, is rated "PG" for language and crude humor.)

*David Manning received notoriety this year after an investigation revealed he did not exist. Shame on studio publicists (NOT from 20^TH Century Fox) who issued rave reviews under his name.