You'd think having remained an unassuming lad during high school, I'd be all over a flick that shows the geek getting the girl. However, these stories usually inspire the opposite reaction in me. They're sort of condescending in how they claim true love will come to the socially uncouth, but only following the most implausible of circumstances. Most of the time, they mean well, as does the teen-friendly romp I Love You, Beth Cooper. I'm sure this movie will find a few fans among the hormonally-challenged masses, but its archaic view of teen life and lame gags make American Pie look like Dangerous Minds.

Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust) has played the prototypical loser for most of his days. A fountain of useless knowledge and class valedictorian, he now faces his last day of high school after not having left the slightest impression. Thus, Denis uses his graduation speech to profess his undying love for Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere), head cheerleader and object of his affection since middle school. While a tad embarrassed by this revelation, Beth finds it in her heart to at least drop by Denis' place for a little shindig. Beth's roided-up boyfriend (Shawn Roberts), who isn't as forgiving, sets out to pound poor Denis into oblivion. Our hero  proceeds to embark on a night to remember, during which he learns that Beth isn't the dream girl he imagined -- though that may not be a bad thing.

I Love You, Beth Cooper is among the few teen flicks that attempt to exhibit signs of intelligence, which is great if they possess the dedication to match. Yet at the same time, the film seems hesitant about leaving the farcical comfort zone established by recent sexploitation comedies. The end result? A dull piece of work combining the exaggerated stereotypes of an American Pie with the complete and utter banality of real life. I Love You, Beth Cooper spreads itself broadly, but in doing so, it robs the characters of any charm, depth, or personality. Denis is just a nerd, Beth is simply pretty, and when the story gets wispy-eyed on us, we're left with no real reason to root these two on.

You can tell I Love You, Beth Cooper is aware of where teen cinema has gone in the past and eager to follow suit. Yet director Chris Columbus (Home Alone) takes the easy way out no matter what situation is presented. There's real juice in Larry Doyle's script (based on his own novel), but what's on screen comes across as an emasculated representation of what it could have been. Gags emerge not because they add anything to the story but because movies before it have dictated they be present. Honestly, all the film really banks on involves the hotness of its title character. Hayden is quite the looker and gives a pleasant enough performance, but the screenplay fails her by supplying only a limp dramatic back story to flesh her out. I'm not so keen on Rust. The more improbably hopeless he tried to be, the more obsessive and grating to the senses I found his acting.   

I think some people like certain films not because they're good but because they're not bad. I Love You, Beth Cooper isn't a lost cause, but it's not a fine film by any stretch of the imagination. Still, the movie is modest enough for most people to give it a pass, even though it tends to dine on John Hughes' table scraps.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation and rated "PG-13" for crude and sexual content, language, some teen drinking and drug references and brief violence.)