Whenever a movie opens with an animal urinating, you know you’re in for a fun ride. Sorry about the sarcasm, but I’m still in a bad mood after watching The Tuxedo. As an avid Jackie Chan fan, I always look forward to his unique martial arts comedy. Sadly, in this case, it’s more Kung Phooey than Kung Fu.

Chan plays Fong, James Fong – get it? After discovering the extraordinary powers of a tuxedo belonging to his hospitalized secret agent boss (Jason Isaacs), chauffeur Fong finds himself involved in a world of espionage with a partner (Jennifer Love Hewitt) who knows even less about being a super spy than he does. Still, these two try hard to stop the bad guys. Hewitt flirts shamelessly with the main villain (Ritchie Coster) whose mistress (Mia Cottet) attempts to seduce Chan’s character. Hewitt and Chan do their best to act like sophisticated spies by dancing together, albeit awkwardly, at various black-tie functions and by engaging in numerous fights with evil-doers. Nevertheless, the only bright spot for me in The Tuxedo comes when Chan substitutes for James Brown in a big production number. That’s the Jackie Chan I love to see! Energetic, funny, and making all the right moves.

Chan admits having qualms about the James Brown sequence. "It made me so nervous," he says. "I’m a pretty good martial artist, but I’m not a dancer. I had to practice, practice, practice every night – even in my sleep, my feet were moving. It drove me crazy, because how can you copy James Brown? He’s the Godfather of Soul, the best."

Working with so many special effects also worried Chan. Realizing that fans will accept special effects moves from other actors, he knows they want him to do stunts on his own. He’s absolutely right! And that’s one of the major problems with The Tuxedo. Because Chan’s character in this movie doesn’t have the ability to do remarkable feats until he puts on the special suit, almost everything he does appears augmented and not real.

Another problem involves Hewitt’s (Heartbreakers) miscasting. There’s little chemistry between the two stars, and their comic timing seems off-kilter in many scenes. Chan hints at what the problem was in one of the out-takes. Evidently, Hewitt couldn’t stop laughing at her famous co-star during rehearsals. "During dance rehearsals," confirms Hewitt, "he (Chan) would sometimes forget that he wasn’t doing a stunt, so he’d be holding my hands and moving me around, and I’d say, ‘Jackie, what are you doing?’ He’d say, ‘We’re dancing,’ and I’d say, ‘No we’re not, you’re beating the c_ _ _ out of me!’ He’d apologize, but in the next minute dip me to the floor and throw me around. But it was really fun. I spent every single day laughing hysterically."

Too bad such fun didn’t transfer to the big screen. Making matters worse, release of Shanghai Knights, the sequel to Shanghai Noon, has been moved to February of 2003. After seeing The Tuxedo, I need a Jackie Chan/Owen Wilson fix much sooner than that.

(Released by DreamWorks and rated "PG-13" for action violence, sexual conduct and language.)