My Bloody Valentine 3-D is refreshingly honest. A lot of horror in movies involves simply throwing stuff in viewers' faces to scare them, so it's a relief to see a movie this upfront about it. Though not the first 3-D genre picture, it's the first to utilize the latest technology in order to satisfy a whole new generation of gorehounds. Limbs fly out at the audience, and blood spatters vividly across the screen, setting the stage for the perfect funhouse type of experience. Sadly, that grand ol' time never comes to pass, as My Bloody Valentine 3-D soon succumbs to the same lethargic and derivative tone seen in most slasher films. 

Once upon a time, Harmony was a quiet and peaceful mining town, just like any other. But on one fateful Valentine's Day, a miner named Harry Warden (Rich Walters) went ballistic following a terrible accident and murdered numerous townspeople before he was taken down. Ten years later, the people of Harmony are still reeling from the effects of Harry's massacre, especially Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles). As the man responsible for the accident that sent Harry into a murderous rage, he hopes to escape the incident for good by selling off the mine. However, just as Tom swings back into town, another, more deadly presence makes himself known. A psycho outfitted in a miner's uniform is going around doing away with the citizens of Harmony in the most gruesome ways, usually using a pickaxe. With an already troubled past, all eyes fall upon Tom as the prime suspect, but is he behind this latest killing spree, or has Harry Warden risen from the grave to get his revenge?

I'm not thoroughly convinced by all this talk about digital 3-D being the way of the cinematic future. From my experience, it means paying a couple of extra bucks for a bonus headache and an astoundingly mediocre movie. Unfortunately, My Bloody Valentine 3-D did nothing to change my mind. I was even looking forward to it somewhat because of the carnival barker spirit adopted by the marketing campaign, which included every trailer proudly promoting the film as nothing less than "a 3-D ride to Hell." My hopes were high about the movie being as purposely cheesy and tongue-in-cheek, but it wasn't long before routine reared its ugly head. Strip away all the visual gimmickery, and My Bloody Valentine 3-D is no better than the lukewarm '80s slasher that inspired it. In fact, this updated take might even be worse, for its slick sheen pales in comparison to its predecessor's appropriately grungy atmosphere. Despite being competently made, there's no spark to speak of, only the unmistakable stench of a diluted formula being recycled for the umpteenth time.

With 3-D as the movie's main hook, you'd think  director Patrick Lussier would utilize this platform to his advantage. Alas, My Bloody Valentine 3-D conjures up only a few moments worth mentioning. A hunk of jawbone sails through the air, a body is tossed asunder by an explosion, and the homicidal miner shoves his trusty pickaxe at the camera more times than you can count. Such moments are amusing but do little to add to the atmosphere. The movie is at its most ominous at the moment you are told to put on your fancy-schmancy 3-D glasses. Lussier doesn't disappoint on gore, for the film comes packed with impalings aplenty, hitting hard with Harry Warden's opening massacre and never looking back. The cast, on the other hand, feels airlifted from a second-rated show on The CW. Their respective dramas eat up loads of running time and break the film's manic flow, as does a whodunit-style mystery the script tries in vain to sweet talk its way out of.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D is reasonably diverting, as far as slasher movies go. There's nothing you'll miss by seeing it in a standard 2-D theater, nor is it terribly different from something you'd find on a random scan of the video store's horror aisle. My Bloody Valentine 3-D might be fun to watch with friends, but experienced alone, it's a much more sluggish ride than you might expect.

MY RATING: ** (out of ****)

(Released by Lionsgate and rated "R" for graphic brutl horror violence and grisly images throughout, some strong sexuality, graphic nudity and language.)