Think popcorn in a big box of chocolates and that’s what you get in The Women, a remake of George Cukor’s 1939 classic comedy. Starring glamour queens Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell and Paulette Goddard, the original film offered total entertainment all the way through.

The new version, written and directed by Diane English, also boasts a megastar cast. It includes Meg Ryan, Eva Mendes, Annette Bening, Jada Pinkett Smith and Candice Bergen. These stars should up the possibilities of the film’s attraction. Unfortunately, with its clichéd plot points, tired dialogue and implausible situations, the script is a mess.

Meg Ryan plays Mary Haines, a happily married woman with a lovely home and a sweet daughter. Because her husband Steven is a workhorse, Mary can spend time with her close-knit group of friends or shop at Saks, their favorite store. 

When Sylvie Fowler (Bening) goes for her manicure at Saks, she ends up with a blabbermouth manicurist who talks about the clerk behind the cosmetic counter (Eva Mendes) being a lucky girl. Why? Because she’s dating a rich, married man by the name of Steven Haines. This is the exact same scenario that took place in the 1939 film, and it worked back then. However, a Saks manicurist who spreads gossip about the store’s clients seems very unlikely today, which makes this scenario the beginning of my disinterest in this new version.

Sylvie, beside herself at the news, tells the other girls – and they all decide not to tell Mary. Things escalate, and Mary finally discovers the truth, but not before there’s a whole lot of female bonding and hidden secrets exposed.

Mary lets Steven know she’s aware of his infidelity and is not going to give him a second chance. As in the original movie, based on by Clare Booth Luce's 1936 hit play, Steven never appears in the movie; he’s merely a character on the page. While this setup presented an intriguing premise in 1939, it seems like a missing piece of a crime scene in the new film.

Pulling off a good ensemble film must be tough. It takes a real team to create a significant impact, but only one person can sometimes cause a film to fail. None of the actresses stand out  here. Each one is a scoop of ice cream in a bland store brand.

Ryan portrays the same character she’s played in many of her films -- a lackluster paint-by-numbers character. Bening seems tired and forced to fulfill her role. Pinkett Smith is never believable as a sexy lesbian playgirl. Mendes, as Crystal Allen, fails to excite as “the other woman.” She’s pretty and sexy, but also whiny, manipulative and heartless. During the scene where Crystal and Mary square off in a lingerie shop, I couldn’t help hoping the movie would end soon.

Bergen, who plays Mary’s mother, also makes no impact in the story. Nor does Bette Midler, who sinks low in her two short scenes, one as a Hollywood agent sharing a joint with Mary. Debra Messing, the last member of this female nightmare, portrays Edie, Sylvie’s sister, who has a host of kids from various fathers. The last straw in the movie comes when the women do a war dance in the delivery room (unmasked) while Edie delivers her first boy.

To view this story the way it was meant to be seen, rent the DVD of Cukor’s The Women. Or -- if you want see a great female cast in a good chick-flick, skip The Women and go sing along with Mamma Mia! instead.

(Released by Picturehouse Entertainment and rated “PG-13” for sex-related material, language, some drug use and brief smoking.)

Review also posted at www.reviewexpress.com.