Be it the need to present an artistic statement or the desire to make a few bucks, there's usually a reason that pushes films of all shapes and sizes past the green light. Still,  for the life of me, I can't imagine a single reason why anyone in their right mind would give something as revolting as The Hottie & the Nottie the go-ahead. As horrid as his movies are, Larry the Cable Guy at least boasts a built-in fanbase composed of people who will dutifully attend his starring vehicles. But not a single second of The Hottie & the Nottie's running time provides a valid excuse for its existence, nor can I imagine why anyone would pay to see it without a bet being involved.

The story begins innocently enough. Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore) is your typical sadsack who hasn't been very lucky in love. Having broken up with his latest girlfriend, Nate realizes the source of his romantic woes is his lifelong crush on Cristabel Abbott, a girl he knew in the first grade but never got to profess his feelings to before he moved away. Sensing there's no time like the present to act on his emotions, Nate packs up and moves to Los Angeles with every intention of wooing Cristabel into his arms. He  arrives to find that Cristabel has developed into a stunning beauty (played by the decidedly un-beautiful -- in my opinion -- Paris Hilton). And she's still best friends with June Phigg (Christine Lakin), a horrendously-ugly social outcast. Determined to claim Cristabel for his own, Nate sets about winning her heart by helping June realize her inner beauty, a task that's easier said than done -- especially when he starts falling for June instead.

The Hottie & the Nottie belongs in that special league of motion pictures that are deeply and inherently wrong. It's the worst kind of bad movie, one blissfully unaware of how much it outrightly insults the viewer's intelligence and sense of taste. What this film thinks passes for valuable wisdom and life lessons are in fact some of the most shallow generalizations you'll ever see a movie offer. For example, The Hottie & the Nottie claims the only way for anyone who's the slightest bit unattractive to attain true love is to bow down to conformity and become one of the "pretty" people. This it does in the guise of a take on the Pygmalion story done to the extreme, making June so hopelessly disgusting that the plot forces her to have a makeover to prevent viewers from getting sick to their stomachs. Not surprisingly, over the course of the film, June's ugly exterior gives way to a much more gorgeous visage, which is supposed to be a metaphor for how she comes to accept how great she is on the inside. 

To make matters worse, The Hottie & the Nottie's severe case of delusion doesn't end there. In addition to starring in this cinematic slap in the face of decency, Paris Hilton also executive produced it. Because the character Hilton plays is positioned as the hottest woman on the face of the earth, one has to wonder  about the size of the warehouse where she stores her ego. That aside, Hilton comes across with one of the most pathetic performances in recent memory. Although she was almost tolerable in House of Wax, her attempts at acting here resemble a cat on its last legs trying to sing opera; it's sad, eerily quiet, and has no chance of ending well. Moore comes across more as a wimpy stalker than a beleagured hero, and Johann Urb pitches in a howlingly bad turn as a Mr. Perfect type who may have designs on Cristabel as well. If there's a glimmer of hope in this wasted cast, it's Lakin, who pitches in a bright performance that's far better than this dreadful film deserves.

If The Hottie & the Nottie had embraced some sort of sarcastic or satirical edge, it might have been a decent flick. But as far as I can tell, the filmmakers buy the drivel they're shoveling out while hoping potential viewers will leave their ethics at the door, along with their brains.

MY RATING: 1/2 * (out of ****)

(Released by Regent Releasing and rated "PG-13" for crude and sexual content.)