Catacombs is the latest in a surge of new horror movies that are terrifying for all the wrong reasons. These flicks, which include Penny Dreadful, Wind Chill, and The Strangers among their ranks, boast miniscule budgets and paper-thin premises, while containing only a bare minimum of action. All this is done under the guise of trying to bring horror to its most basic and primal roots, but more often than not,  audiences end up being stuck watching a bunch of morons traipsing around in the dark for an hour and a half. Catacombs could've remained no different from the increasing rabble of such cinematic stinkers, but thanks to an awful twist ending and a heroine you couldn't care less about, this film emerges as one of the worst offenders of them all.

Seeking a break from her normal routine, shy and emotionally fragile Victoria (Shannyn Sossamon) decides to take up her sister Carolyn (Alecia Moore, a.k.a. "Pink") on an invitation to join her in Paris. After a long and stressful flight, all Victoria wants to do is settle in and go to bed, but her sis has other plans -- namely taking her to a rave party set in the city's infamous underground catacombs. Not only are the walls lined with the city's centuries-old dead, a rumor about a monstrous killer, the result of a cult's attempt to create the Antichrist, is also floating about. Victoria thinks Carolyn and her buddies are just trying to give her a good scare, but changes her mind when the beast makes himself known in the worst of ways. She must then try to elude a hellish creature bent on seeing her to the slaughter while finding a way to escape the labyrinthine catacombs -- all 200-plus miles of them.

A truly heart-stopping piece of horror art begs to be crafted out of what little story the filmmakers have presented here. Having the lead character fight for her life in a place where the idea of escape grows more and more unlikely shows the potential of chilling moviegoers to the bone. Instead, the makers of Catacombs manage to convey all the monotony of wandering around miles upon miles of tunnels without creating any of the terrifying atmosphere. Sorry, but I'm very tired of bemoaning how yet another movie thinks just because someone walks around in a darkly-lit room, the situation becomes instantly scary. This film tries to be frightening early on with the killer's hair-raising pursuit of Victoria, but it's almost as if the filmmakers lost steam halfway through and left the rest of the story to run on autopilot. And the dreadful  ending? It's enough of a howler to turn the most optimistic of moviegoers into hardened cynics.

Catacombs is the dullest time horror's had in an overseas setting since Blood & Chocolate brought whiny werewolves to Bucharest. There's not an ounce of ambition to be found here, be it in the script (which even abandoned the entire killer subplot about ten minutes after it was introduced) or in the overall lifeless acting. Sossamon's character has to be one of the worst excuses for a heroine the horror genre has ever seen. Because the viewer is never given a reason concerning why she's so on-edge all the time, we remain puzzled by her wild mood swings (a weeping damsel in distress one minute, a shrill harpy the next) and her tendency to seek help yet immediately run away when someone tries to answer her pleas. 

If your idea of sheer terror involves the girl from A Knight's Tale waving around a flashlight and sobbing most of the time, then Catacombs may be for you. If not, prepare to lose your patience faster than you can say "Gerard Depardieu."

MY RATING: * (out of ****)

(Released by Lions Gate and rated "R" for strong violence, terror and disturbing images, language, some nudity and drug content.)