They say your whole life flashes in front of you just before you die. Well, I had a similar experience with Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror, except I flashed on the great movies that could've existed, had filmmakers opted not to make this junk instead. I can't help doubting the sanity of anyone willing to finance such a sorry piece of work, a lazy horror/comedy that's a joke in all the worst ways.

Rapper Snoop Dogg serves as the viewer's guide through this three-part anthology flick. The first story revolves around a young woman (Daniella Alonso) who's given the power to wipe out dangerous street thugs -- with a can of spray paint. Tale number two takes place in a rest home for old war heroes, where the greedy new owner (Anson Mount) hatches an evil plot to oust the residents at all costs. The last vignette centers on a budding rap star (Pooch Hall) who's visited by the corpse of a friend (Aries Spears) who died in the midst of his rise to fame.

At the outset, Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror seems like it's going to turn out all right. A cool animated sequence kicks off the film's wrap-around story of Snoop's character being a Grim Reaper of sorts. To atone for his own past sins, he ushers souls to the fiery underworld. However, the good vibes stirred up by this effective part of the movie -- equating urban decay and gang violence with the most demonic of horrors --goes down the drain almost as soon as the scene ends. From then on, Hood of Horror is a laughably cheesy venture, one that's purposefully campy but nevertheless still kind of painful to watch.

Vampira had more class than Snoop, whose character hangs out with a dwarf who inexplicably turns into a demon at the end and two women walking around with their mouths constantly hanging open to show that, indeed, they're vampires. The stories not only lug around tired and simplistic morals (i.e. denying senior citizens food is not advisable), but, for the first two tales at least, are also walking contradictions of themselves, with good triumphing over evil, only to be punished somehow in the end (because, apparently, defending yourself is something you should never do).

I realize I'm criticizing the ethical compass of a movie called Hood of Horror, but when the flick is such an outright mess, this is the sort of thing you end up thinking and mulling over for the entire viewing ordeal. It's not even goofy and over the top enough to be a guilty pleasure; it's an 80-minute barrage of Snoop making awful puns, atrocious acting (with Mount's greedy cowboy being the king of the mountain), and cinematography that looks like the camera lens was dipped in beef gravy before every shot.

The only salvagable aspects of this film are the solid performances given by character actors like Richard Gant and Ernie Hudson in the second story (itself ripped off from the '70s horror anthology, Tales from the Crypt). Their sympathetic turns, delivered finely despite one of the worst scripts of their collective careers, and the movie's animated intro are signs that all is not lost here. 

Far from being the worst horror movie ever made, Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror is still fairly high up on the list. It's the sort of cheaply-made and shoddily-filmed offering that sent me heading for the shower once the ending credits started to roll. And this is coming from someone who thought Bones wasn't all that bad.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Xenon Pictures and rated "R" for pervasive strong violence and gore, sexuality, nudity and language.)