After nine years of reviewing movies, I thought I might've started to criticize films with a softer touch. But along comes The Ex, a so-called "comedy" that arrives with enough insipid characters and hateful humor to replenish anyone's supply of verbal venom.

TV's Scrubs star Zach Braff plays Tom Reilly, a working-class schmoe eagerly awaiting the birth of his son. But just as his wife Sofia (Amanda Peet) leaves her cushy law firm job to become a full-time mom, Tom loses his own job, forcing him to do the unthinkable: take up his loopy father-in-law (Charles Grodin) on an offer to work at his ad agency. The situation takes an extremely awkward turn when Tom is paired up with Chip Sanders (Jason Bateman), a wheelchair-bound co-worker who's frighteningly nice, over-achieving -- and, worst of all, a former flame of Sofia's. Chip's torch still burns strong, as he proceeds to make Tom's life a living nightmare, humiliating him with every sneaky method at his disposal while trying to woo Sofia back to him. Now Tom must think fast in order to trounce the underhanded Chip and prove to Sofia what a responsible family man he can be.

The Ex is the latest motion picture in the unfortunate position of being released under the Weinstein Company banner. In the tradition of their other botched releases (including Arthur and the Invisibles and, more recently, The Last Legion), The Ex received some mandhandling. It suffered from a constantly shifting release date, and the title was changed from  Fast Track, which was more appropriate since Chip is treated as a subplot with the bulk of the movie focusing more on Tom's attempts to prove he's not the slacker the world seems to think he is.

However, studio interference aside, I have a feeling  The Ex was a doomed picture from the get-go. The entire production reeks of a desire to rip off the Farrelly Brothers' style of humor in terms of how they employ taboo and risque comedic set pieces to generate shocked giggles. The difference involves a lack of a sense of humanity in The Ex, resulting in bad things happening to miserable people.  

Rarely have I seen such a talented group of people roped into doing this much damage to their careers.  Braff was smart enough to make the indie darling Garden State, but in this movie he channels all the awkwardness and bad luck of a Ben Stiller character without evoking any sympathy over his frequent sticky situations. I had hopes that Bateman would do a deliciously evil job with his part, but no, Chip comes across every bit as hateful as he's supposed to be, yet not the slightest bit amusing. Peet gets stuck with the nagging housewife role, and Grodin and Mia Farrow are little more than window dressing.

Still, I can't blame the cast for The Ex's molasses-like pacing and serious lack of energy. The script juggles  hackneyed subplots, shoving annoyingly quirky characters down our throats by the bushel -- and not so much bringing the story to a close as abruptly throwing its hands up in the air and giving up at about the 90-minute mark. With jokes this stale and a boring premise, it's no wonder the cast members all look like they'd rather be at a wake.

What can I say to describe how unfunny The Ex is? Hard to do, especially since humor is so subjective. But let me try this. Imagine if someone came up, punched you in the face, then set your car on fire and laughed at you while doing all this. If you think that's hilarious, then by all means rent The Ex. 

(NOTE: This review is of the "PG-13" version of The Ex. There is an unrated DVD which, according to the IMDB, is actually shorter and even more confusingly-edited.)

MY RATING: 1/2 * (out of ****)

(Released by The Weinstein Company and rated "PG-13" for sexual content, brief language and a drug reference.)