Did you ever have one of those moments when you sat back and wondered how certain movies got made in the first place? Based on premise alone, it's easy to see why the new comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry got the greenlight, but the script is such a scattershot mess, you'd think someone would've said something to help the movie become a groundbreaking comedy classic instead of the rancid sitcom pilot it feels like.

Chuck Levine (Adam Sandler) and Larry Valentine (Kevin James) are fellow Brooklyn firemen and the best of friends. While Chuck is a serial ladies man and Larry a family guy, the two are great buddies and even better firefighters. But Larry's run into a bit of a problem with his pension. His wife having passed away years ago, Larry wants to declare his kids as his beneficiaries, only to find out the time to do so has long since expired.

Seeing no other options to ensure that his children are taken care of in case he dies in the line of duty, Larry approaches Chuck with the mother of all scams: claim to be a gay couple so they can reap the benefits of being in a domestic partnership. Chuck doesn't want a thing to do with this crazy scheme, but in no time, the guys are in too deep, encouraged by beautiful lawyer Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel) to get married in order to prove themselves to a weasely inspector (Steve Buscemi). But with both their lives being affected by their not-so-little white lie and Chuck  falling in love with Alex, keeping up the charade is going to be the toughest job these two friends have ever tried to pull off.

Despite some big steps in a more accepting direction over the years, gays and lesbians still have a fight ahead of them in terms of being welcomed into mainstream America. Unfortunately, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry isn't going to help matters at all. Its heart is definitely in the right place: the story supports honorable themes such as treating everyone with respect regardless of sexual orientation. However, we all know what particular destination has a road paved with good intentions. In short, Chuck & Larry is about an hour and 20 minutes worth of jokes made at the expense of the title characters' situation, one tired gag after the other based upon the awkward position of two straight guys having to pretend they're gay. The last 20 minutes or so is when the script abruptly abandons the seemingly endless slew of bland gay jokes in order to emphasize a moral lesson. Sadly, Chuck & Larry is a laughless excuse for comedy. It has all the tact and grace of a hippo wearing tap shoes.

Usually, a comedy starring either Adam Sandler (whose box office success needs no introduction) or Kevin James (who made a humorous dip in the waters of feature films with Hitch) wouldn't be worth getting all that worked up over. Both men possess enough talent and sense of comedy to give viewers their money's worth at the movies. But as Chuck & Larry steps into some fairly daring territory, it has to be mentioned how flatly the film falls on its face in the attempt.

James is an incredibly likable guy, so his personality carries him valiantly through the script's worse moments. Sandler, on the other hand, isn't so lucky. He's stuck with playing a one-dimensional, lecherous jerk who gets slapped with one of the most unconvincing character arcs in recent cinema history. Jessica Biel doesn't have much to do here either --  only to look gorgeous, serve as (without spoiling anything) one of the most forgiving women on the planet, and make the audience wonder if her wonderful turn in The Illusionist was a fluke. The normally dependable Steve Buscemi isn't that great either; he simply pitches in a couple of scenes as a "Joe Evil" inspector before quickly cashing in his paycheck.

Even though I have low expectations sometimes, I don't go into every movie thinking I'll hate it. I always love being surprised, and I like to see a film come across as better than I imagined it could be. All I wanted from I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry  was to have a jolly good time. Unfortunately, the film turned out so dramatically inept you'd swear it was a Tyler Perry movie. Something like Evan Almighty is looking awfully good right about now.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Universal Pictures and rated "PG-13" for crude sexual content throughout, nudity, language and drug references.)