Right now I could be using this Kickin' It Old Skool space to whip up a sentence or two about the tricky art of comedy, explaining how one thing can be either completely funny or a huge waste of time. I could do so using an array of fancy words and descriptions to prove I know my way around a thesaurus. But in writing a critique of this particular comedy, there's no getting around one plain, simple, and obvious fact: Kickin' It Old Skool just flat-out bites the big one.

In 1986, 12-year-old Justin Schumacher and his friends, known as the Funky Fresh Boyz, dominated the breakdancing scene. That is, until during a school talent show, Justin popped and locked his way right off the stage and into a coma. Twenty years later, though, Justin (played in grown-up form by Jamie Kennedy) has awakened to find the world an incredibly different place, one in which He-Man and "Star Search" have taken a back seat to iPods and "American Idol." But what hasn't changed is Justin's love for childhood sweetie Jen (Maria Menounos). Unfortunately, professional jerk Kip (Michael Rosenbaum) is her husband-to-be, and on top of that, Justin's medical bills may end up forcing his parents to sell their house. However, there's one way to save the day, and that's in the form of a breakdance competition offering a prize of $100 grand and a one-year TV contract. All Justin must do is reunite his fellow Boyz and adapt their old school moves to a modern world. They will surely smoke the competition, and he will win the heart of the girl he loves.

Kickin' It Old Skool comes across as a long, painful nostalgia trip that makes me wish the '80s never happened. Whether the movie is a result of the resurgence of dance movies or America's growing preoccupation with all things '80s (how else did a Transformers movie get the green light?), Kickin' It Old Skool may end up putting the final nail in the coffin for both current trends.

Even the appearance of the film puts one at unease, as it's not so much a low-budget charmer as a comedy made on the cheap without the slightest bit of effort to at least make it look good. The slipshod script juggles between making '80s pop culture references (take a cue from Date Movie, kids: just because you mention something, it doesn't mean it's instantly hilarious) and bowing to the very cliches of the Breakin'-style movies it's sort of poking fun at. The story stinks, the script is a mess, and Jamie Kennedy's performance is just slightly more tolerable than his turn in the ghastly Son of the Mask. The only saving graces here are the decent dance moves, but then again, going to a movie just for the dancing is like buying a bag of Doritos because you really like reading nutrition facts on the label.

While not the year's worst movie thus far (Because I Said So staked that claim back in February), Kickin' It Old Skool certainly makes the list. The fact that this pathetic and lifeless comedy comes from the same studio responsible for The Illusionist continues to sadden and puzzle me.

MY RATING: * (out of ****)

(Released by Yari Film Group and rated "PG-13" for crude and sexual content and language.)