Pulse is the latest victim of the Remake Curse, an epidemic as widespread and often as horrifying as what takes place in this particular film. Originally a creepy classic titled Kairo in its native Japan, Pulse joins Dark Water and The Ring as the latest Asian horror movie to get an American-made update.

Not being a fan of the original -- an overly-pretentious film high on atmosphere but low on story -- I found myself looking forward to the U.S. version, hoping some of our own horror theatrics might spice up the plot. But as it turns out, even though our Pulse makes a bit more sense, this remake's scattershot plotting and grungy look turn out to be more frightening than the officially sanctioned "scary parts."

Our story follows Mattie (Kristen Bell), a psychology student who's been going through a hard time ever since her boyfriend Josh (Jonathan Tucker) took his own life. Days after the tragic suicide, strange things start to happen around Mattie. She and her friends, including Izzie (Christina Milian) and Stone (Rick Gonzalez), receive instant messages from Josh, asking for help and warning them of an impending danger. A package containing red utility tape shows up in the mail, with a note saying that it will keep "them" out. And the weirdness seems to be spreading, as the city and surrounding areas slowly experience an outbreak of mysterious disappearances and puzzling suicides. It gradually becomes clear to Mattie that Josh's habit of digging around on the Internet led him to the discovery of a special frequency. But having stumbled upon it, he inadvertently opened the door for the spirits of the dead to enter our world and seek out what they want most of all -- our lives.

It's not difficult to get the gist of the message here: despite how much people have become connected through advances in technology, society has managed to regress into an even more lonely and isolated state. The problem? Pulse, a movie with such a promising slice of social commentary, ends up as  one of the goofiest and most nonsensical horror flicks on record. In the simplest words possible, Pulse is not scary.

First-time director Jim Sonzero (working from a script co-written by horrormeister Wes Craven) tries throwing just about every trick from the Big Book of Horror Cliches at the audience, from the classic dark hallway to the more recent trend of matching ghosts with erratic, MTV-style editing, hoping that something will elicit a frightened response. Alas, Sonzero's efforts are in vain. The only thing moviegoers will be fearful of is paying too much to see yet another disappointingly predictable and watered-down fright flick. Throw all the out-of-focus, slow-moving ghosts you want  onto the screen, but that doesn't mean they're going to scare the bejeebers out of people.

Pulse was plagued by reshoots during its lengthy production, and this shows in its rather weak special effects and unpolished look. It's a film in a constant state of being two weeks away from looking really good, the bumps left unflattened and the cracks left unfilled by Sonzero and crew in an attempt to rush the movie out to theatres. Pulse improves upon Kairo in clearing up a matter or two (thankfully, the purpose behind the red tape is covered), but it still often finds itself saddled with the same confusing plot holes.

I can accept the dead using Internet/cellular signals to enter our world, but why don't all of the ghosts come out at once when the gateway is opened? What happens to the ghosts after they get what they want from their victims? Why is so little attention given to the fact that people are disappearing in droves? I tossed these questions and more around in my head while the film continued down a pathway to one of the most anticlimactic finales in recent years.

I do have to give Pulse credit for being at least a smidge clearer than its predecessor and for featuring Kristen Bell (of TV's Veronica Mars fame) in a strong, sympathetic performance. However, with sloppy storytelling, some forgettable performances, and a serious lack of scares working against it, Pulse can't raise enough energy to be anything except the boring mess it is. 

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Dimension Films and rated "PG-13" for intense sequences of sci-fi tension, disturbing images, sensuality and thematic material.)