The following is a transcript of the "Hakari vs. Wayans" case regarding Little Man as heard in Movie Court, dated July of 2006.

BAILIFF: Movie Court is now in session. All rise for the honorabe Judge Lumiere.

JUDGE LUMIERE: Please be seated. I have to preside over the America vs. Uwe Boll case later today, so let's try to make these proceedings as brief as possible. I will now hear from the plaintiff. Mr. Hakari, please state your case.

A.J. HAKARI: Thanks, your honor. My name's A.J. Hakari, and I'm a film critic. On the afternoon of July 14, 2006, I took a trip to the nearby multiplex to review the new Wayans Brothers comedy, Little Man. Having seen their previous film, White Chicks, and hating every minute of it, I was wary of what was in store for me, but I braved the heat anyway for the sake of writing a review. And, while the TV ads promised a rollicking comedy, what I saw was nothing less than a dead zone of laughter, a sitcommy premise stretched out for a painful 90 minutes and packed with one incredibly lame joke after another. After the film ended, I felt a mixture of anger, frustration, and mild nausea. Thus, I am demanding that the Wayans Brothers be reprimanded for their crimes of stealing my time, wasting good celluloid, and perhaps killing a couple of my remaining brain cells with Little Man. 

JUDGE LUMIERE: My, those are serious charges, Mr. Hakari. I will now hear from the defendants, who, as I see, are being represented by Mr. Keenen Ivory Wayans. The floor is yours, Mr. Wayans.

K.I. WAYANS: Thank you, your honor. I am the director of Little Man, among other comedies including the first two Scary Movie films and I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.

JUDGE LUMIERE: Indeed, I'm familiar with your previous work. Please continue.

K.I. WAYANS: Your honor, Mr. Hakari is blowing this case way out of proportion. All I wanted Little Man to be was a goofy little comedy about a diminutive criminal, played by my brother Marlon, who impersonates a baby in order to get inside the house of a young couple, played by my other brother Shawn and Kerry Washington, and steal back a jewel he ditched in the woman's purse. But, as it turns out, Shawn's character really wants to be a father, so he sees this as his chance to prove to himself that he can make it as a dad. See, there's nothing malicious about Little Man -- just a sweet, harmless comedy with a good set of moral values.

A.J. HAKARI: Objection! Your Honor, isn't that the most idiotic idea for a movie you've ever heard?

JUDGE LUMIERE: I don't know, Son of the Mask was pretty stupid, but please elaborate.

A.J. HAKARI: There are so many filmmakers out there with better projects in mind. Why spend so much money on a one-joke comedy when the joke's not even funny to start with? Mr. Wayans created Marlon's character by having a very small performer act out the scenes with the other actors before digitally inserting Marlon's face. But the illusion is shattered on a continuous basis, considering how fake it all looks from the start and the occasional instance where the body and face aren't quite in synch with one another. I mean, have these people never seen Tiptoes? That film turned Gary Oldman into an extremely-convincing dwarf, with not a flaw in sight! As for the comedy, the gags all consist of people getting hit in the groin or Marlon's character struggling to maintain his infant cover whenever a gorgeous woman walks into the room. It all gets really old, really fast. And as for the Big Moral Lesson the audience is supposed to walk away with? What a load of phony-baloney and . . .

JUDGE LUMIERE: I think we get your point, Mr. Hakari. Mr. Wayans, do you have anything to say in your defense?

K.I. WAYANS: Umm...I did Scary Movie.

JUDGE LUMIERE: Very well, then. I rule in favor of the plaintiff, and I find Keenen Ivory Wayans, as well as those members of the Wayans clan engaged in the film industry, guilty of robbing Mr. Hakari and other moviegoers of their time, money, and intelligence with Little Man. Oh, and on a side note, Mr. Wayans...White Chicks was almost as bad. Court adjourned! 

MY RATING: * (out of ****)

(Released by Columbia Pictures and rated "PG-13" for crude and sexual humor throughout, language and brief drug references.)