High School Musical, a Disney Channel original movie, has evolved into an inexplicable runaway success. I can understand its appeal to the tweeny-boppers, serving up a string of bubblegum pop tunes that'll keep them occupied until the next band du jour comes along, but the extent to which the public has gone bananas over such a sickeningly sweet and sub-par musical will puzzle me for years to come.

Troy (Zac Efron) and Gabriella (Vanessa Anne Hudgens) are two starry-eyed kids who come from different worlds: the former is the popular star of his high school basketball team, while the latter is a beautiful but shy bookworm. On a New Year's vacation at a ski resort, the two discover they share a love of singing which they have kept secret from their friends and family. However, these youngsters haven't seen the last of one another. Troy soon learns that Gabriella has been transferred to his school, and after getting together again, the two decide to try out for the drama club's upcoming musical.

There are a couple problems, though: Gabriella is terrified to sing in front of crowds, and Troy is too embarrassed to let his teammates find out his secret. Still, despite the scheming efforts of Sharpay and Ryan Evans (Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Grabeel), a snobby brother/sister duo who've taken it upon themselves to rule over the stage, Troy and Gabriella do what they can to overcome their fears in time for their big callback performance.

Right from the start, High School Musical loses points in skillfulness, once you realize that the plot doesn't hinge on the musical itself -- it's all about the audition! That's like filming A Christmas Story and having Ralphie begging for the BB gun in June. Granted, the story isn't one of High School Musical's biggest concerns, but I would rather deal with a premise that doesn't require such an incredible suspension of disbelief and of one's brain function. In short, High School Musical is a lot like Grease, only acted by kids old enough to still be in high school and virtually charmless in every possible way.

Now, before any readers start sending in hate mail, I want to point out that I'm a big fan of musicals (how much so? -- I actually liked The Producers remake). My beef with High School Musical isn't the fact that it's a musical but rather the kind of musical it is, one with an annoying array of forgettable, factory-made pop tunes, mediocre acting, and a paper-thin story about as subtle as Jed Clampett at an Ingmar Bergman festival. 

However, High School Musical is not without a few good points. Hudgens is a gorgeous young actress with enough spark to go places, and I enjoyed some of the script's satiric jabs, especially the constant butting-of-heads between the artsy-fartsy Ms. Darbus (Alyson Reed) and sports-minded Coach Bolton (Bart Johnson). But for the amount of energy the cast and crew pump into the project, not much really gets done and nothing memorable emerges from the proceedings. The songs are shallow, the writing lackluster, and the convention-poking spirit becomes so extreme that it turns the  characters into the very cliches the film is attempting to parody.

There are so many better, more soulful and well-crafted, musicals available for viewers. Some involve the pursuit of pure love (Moulin Rouge!); others deal with the pursuit of fame (Chicago); and one even spoofs propaganda (Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical). High School Musical turns out to be little more than a moronic plot in which the characters have nothing better to do than be whiny, selfish, and downright venemous about protecting their stereotypical statuses. High School Musical goes so far over the top, it can't even see its house from there.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Buena Vista Home Entertainment and rated "PG" by MPAA.)