I hope the arrival of Cheaper by the Dozen 2 will finally help mainstream moviegoers realize what a waste of time and money films like this are -- sequels and follow-ups that exist only because their predecessors made loads of cash. Although Cheaper by the Dozen 2 isn't a terrible film -- it's actually a bit more tolerable than the first one -- it's just so unnecessary; once you've watched Cheaper by the Dozen, you've practically seen all that the filmmakers have to say, leaving #2 as nothing more than a big-budget redundancy.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 focuses again on the Baker family, comprised of former college football coach Tom (Steve Martin), bestselling author Kate (Bonnie Hunt), and their brood of twelve kids (only half of which have any discernable traits or even resemble their parents in the slightest). Our story begins with the high school graduation of daughter Lorraine (Hilary Duff), during which Tom looks upon his family and sees his close-knit clan starting to break apart, heading off in different directions to lead their own lives.

In order to have one last blast as the complete Baker family, Tom and Kate pack up, gather together all the kids, and head out to spend Labor Day weekend at a vacation house by the lake. But instead of rest and relaxation, an old rivalry is ignited when Tom runs into Jimmy Murtaugh (Eugene Levy), an ultra-competitive man with eight kids of his own and whose life has been dedicated to constantly trying to one-up Tom. Of course, this inspires Tom's competitive spirit as well, getting worked up over putting Jimmy in his place at any cost, including alienating a family that just wants to have fun.

No doubt Cheaper by the Dozen 2 will make some serious moolah. Name recognition alone should be enough to attract countless families on opening weekend and throughout the holiday season. But it's times like these when I wonder why people are afraid to take chances and seek out something more fulfilling instead of playing it safe, opting for the mediocre movie with a sitcommy premise they've sat through numerous times before instead of going for something exciting and new. 

Once again, the filmmakers place the Baker family in a phony crisis devoid of suspense or surprises that they'll most certainly find their way out of scot-free, because you know the screenwriter isn't brave enough to mess around and do something different with a well-worn formula. Yes, there are a few more efforts here to give the kids personalities, including  tomboy Sarah Baker (Alyson Stoner) having a crush on one of Jimmy Murtaugh's children (Taylor Lautner, as flat and unengaging as he was in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl this past summer), but the film fails dreadfully in this respect, always lapsing into lumping the kids -- played by actors you don't recognize -- into a noisy, unadorable, slapstick-generating collective. It's hard to root for a bunch of kids who spend the whole movie making something explode or causing some sort of serious damage without any repercussions, and just about every minute of Cheaper by the Dozen 2 is spent proving why.

Martin and Hunt are real troopers for putting up with such corny and restrained roles (especially Hunt, who keeps as cool a head about being in this movie as her character does about raising twelve children). The blandness of the script allows them to do only so much with the material, but the actors emerge relatively unscathed. Levy, on the other hand, turns out to be incredibly annoying, handing in a grating performance that had me wondering if, at least, he's using his salary for this film to help finance the next great Christopher Guest comedy.

Even more irritating than Levy's character, however, is how breezily Cheaper by the Dozen 2 solves its thematic issues by bringing an end to the conflicts between the characters so fast, all for the sake of moving on to the next unfunny comic set piece. One can't help thinking how lowly the filmmakers looked upon the characters and, in turn, how little the studio must think of audiences in presuming we would buy anything the movie dishes out. 

What's the best thing I can say for Cheaper by the Dozen 2 ? Well, at least it's not as bad as last month's dreadful remake of Yours, Mine & Ours. This one doesn't depend so much on poorly done slapstick or on making as much noise as possible in a 90-minute time span. And Carmen Electra even delivers a rather sweet performance as Jimmy Murtaugh's trophy wife. If you can imagine, dear reader, a movie in which Carmen Electra is the high point, you know what kind of film Cheaper by the Dozen 2 turns out to be. 

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by 20th Century Fox and rated "PG" for some crude humor and mild language.)