Magical realism spins out of control in Woman on Top. Like cotton candy, it’s a sugary concoction filled with more air than substance. Romantic comedies usually win me over right away, so I had great expectations for this particular movie. But I just couldn’t muster up sympathy for a beautiful woman blessed with mystical cooking skills --- cursed as she may be with motion sickness.

Sultry Penelope Cruz (All About My Mother) plays Isabella, a Brazilian chef who decides to leave her husband Toninho (Murilo Benicio) after discovering his infidelity. Because of her great love for the handsome Toninho, Isabella does what any modern woman would do. She asks for help from the goddess of the sea, of course. With assistance from her transvestite friend Monica (Harold Perrineau,Jr.), she tosses a small basket containing exotic objects, including a lighted candle, into the ocean.

Voila! The spell works. Isabella is not only freed from her yearning for Toninho but also becomes a successful television star of Passion Food Live in San Francisco. In addition, her producer (Mark Feuerstein) exhibits more than a professional interest in her. And, every man in San Francisco starts viewing her show. Flowers even perk up when she passes by.

Meanwhile, in Bahia, Toninho misses Isabella. After all, she cooked such delicious food for the customers in his restaurant. So what if she insists on leading while dancing and being on top when they make love? He still wants her back. But Toninho makes a big mistake. He curses the goddess of the sea. Is it any wonder things go from bad to worse for him? Still, he travels to San Francisco and finds his wife. After serenading her, the broken-hearted Toninho wins a spot on Isabella’s television show instead of her love --- at least until the spell is broken.

Woman on Top may be intended as a fairy tale for grown-ups, but even adults need someone to care about in their fables. The lead characters in this film are too self-absorbed for that. It’s no fun watching magic spells solve their problems. Although Cruz and Benicio appear delightfully photogenic, neither seems dramatically challenged here. Benicio looks almost apologetic when delivering such ridiculous lines as "Sometimes mortal love is so strong, even the gods can’t interfere."

Cruz is at her best only in the early cooking show scenes, especially while advising the viewers, "The most important ingredient is to share it with someone you love." Her Julia Roberts-like smile after that remark hints at Cruz’s true star potential. Too bad she mopes around so much during the rest of the movie.

At the end of Woman on Top, everyone lives happily ever after --- except the audience.

(Released by Fox Searchlight and rated "R" for some strong sexuality and language.)